Supporting Children’s Emotional Development Through Co-Regulation
Co-regulation in the context of adults and children refers to the collaborative process through which caregivers (parents, guardians, or teachers) and children work together to manage and regulate the child's emotions, behaviours, and physiological responses. It is a reciprocal and supportive relationship in which both the adult and the child play active roles in promoting emotional wellbeing and overall development.
For children, who are still developing their emotional and self-regulation skills, co-regulation is vital for learning how to manage their emotions and cope with various situations. Caregivers act as emotional anchors, providing comfort, reassurance, and understanding during times of distress or frustration. They model appropriate emotional expressions and help children navigate challenging experiences, gradually teaching them effective strategies for self-regulation.
In this dynamic process, adults tune into the child's emotional cues, respond empathetically, and provide a safe and nurturing environment for the child to express their feelings. This, in turn, helps the child feel understood and supported, fostering a sense of security and trust. As children mature and gain more self-regulation skills, the co-regulation dynamic evolves, with the child gradually taking on more responsibility for managing their emotions, while the adult continues to offer guidance and support when needed.
Co-regulation between adults and children lays the foundation for building strong emotional intelligence, communication skills, and healthy relationships throughout the child's life. When caregivers consistently engage in co-regulation with their children, it can positively influence the child's emotional resilience, empathy, and social competence.
Furthermore, co-regulation also benefits adults, as they become more attuned to their own emotional responses and learn to manage their reactions effectively. This heightened self-awareness helps adults model healthy emotional regulation for children, reinforcing positive behaviours and strengthening the adult-child bond.
Here are our top five tips for co-regulation:
Build positive carer-child relationships
Be warm and responsive to the child's needs. Children need a 'secure base' to feel comfortable enough to explore and take risks, and a 'safe haven' for reassurance and comfort when challenges arise. Responsive discipline promotes security, competence, confidence, and resilience in children.
Connect instead of punish
Children need predictable, responsive and supportive home environments in order to help guide them in developing emotional regulation skills. It is important for parents/carers to create an environment that is calm, and that makes them feel both physically and emotionally safe.
Structure the environment
When your child is having a meltdown, try to connect with them instead of punishing them. Give them the space they need to calm down before trying to reason with them. Try speaking in a calm voice, offering a firm hug (if they consent to one), and/or supportive silence. Modelling calm behaviours during heightened moments will teach them more appropriate ways of managing their big feelings.
Validate their feelings
Teach your child that there are no 'right' or 'wrong' feelings; that all of their feelings are valid and meaningful. Even if they demonstrate inappropriate behaviours at times, it is important to validate their feelings so that they feel seen and understood. This will help them to de-escalate quicker during heightened moments, and will enhance the connection between parent/caregiver and child.
Normalise talking about feelings
Everyone's got them. Some feelings are easy to manage, and other feelings can get the best of us. Adults have the important responsibility of teaching children how to identify, understand, and manage their feelings. Normalising ALL feelings builds emotionally intelligent children. Through normalising feelings and our responses to them, we can empower children to appropriately express how they feel, and remove the shame around experiencing certain feelings.